I guess just about anytime is a good time to say:
“What I am doing here?”
And that’s how I’ve felt recently. Instead of consistently writing or creating anything, I’ve spent most of my time feeling desperate and trying to get caught up. Lately, due to some changes with my job, I’ve felt incredibly hopeless, stagnant, and just plain broken. I’m scrambling to make cuts to our finances so that we can stay in our house and keep eating.
So the question above is just one of many that are swirling around in my head right now. I didn’t lose my job, but I did lose a sizeable chunk of my paycheck. While something is much better than nothing, I still have to deal with the setback. Once you start losing structure in your life it’s easy to just fall apart and lose everything. Here are a few of my short-term goals:
- Stay Focused. I was really upset at first, and that turned to anger, then back to desperation. Then I began to wonder if this was it, and at 35 years old I had little future and the best I could hope for was gone.
But all those emotions are just that, and I don’t make decisions based on emotions. You overcome the emotion and use logical thinking.
- Stop Being Consumed by Work. It sounds crazy, but there isn’t much I can change right now about my job situation. I can find another job, but that can take weeks, months, or years. Instead of worrying about my uncertainty at work, I can instead focus more on my family and friends, projects I need to get done (that don’t require a lot of money).
I can also get back to volunteering, which I haven’t been able to do for a while now. I let myself get overwhelmed before and had to quit. Now, I think it’s just what I need to establish some sense of purpose back into my life.
- Get My Finances Straight. If you ever needed motivation to stop wasting money, getting your paycheck cut will give you a crash course on it. I have a savings account, and my #1 goal for the next six months will be to add to it and not wipe it out.
I’ll have to make driving count and not make unnecessary trips to the store. Brown rice and beans are now the staple food in the house; I couldn’t really eat out anyway. No more useless purchases (not that I had very many anyhow).
- Back to Minimalism! Now I get to really dive into a minimal lifestyle. I want to keep working on paring down what I have left.
Having less definitely makes you feel more free and less tied down. Each time I get rid of a bag of clothes, or another box of magazines, books, or just junk I didn’t know I had, I feel like more and more weight is lifted.
So… what am I doing here?
I guess I’m just trying to figure things out, and maybe enjoy life a little more along the way. Being stressed out about this situation, or what may or may not happen tomorrow isn’t going to help me. I’ve been under so much stress before that I could hardly sleep, and I don’t ever want to go back to that place.
I’m very thankful for everything I have.